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Chronicles of a Fledgling Empire

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Saturday, December 4th, 2010
12:47 am
Who the hell sent me a virtual box of chocolates on vday, 2006? Who *was* I in 2006?

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Saturday, November 27th, 2010
8:12 pm
Holy crap, LiveJournal. Does anyone even read this, anymore? I miss this thing.

If you are reading this, leave me a comment.

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Monday, March 8th, 2010
2:35 pm
Are you or do you know any unemployed/underemployed web... people? Tessa's entire photography website is down and gone and needs to be rebuilt. Given that her income comes mostly from said website, it's a bit of a problem. She did the last one herself, but since this is now so time-sensitive, she's looking to employ someone more proficient to get it back up ASAP. Any takers?

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Thursday, February 11th, 2010
11:59 am
Wow. I don't really write in here, anymore. It seems like no one really *writes* anymore. I blame things like twitter and facebook status updates. They make it too easy to vent expressive pressure in small, insignificant puffs before it builds enough to motivate any actual effort.

So, what's new? Tessa has officially moved here. I'm spending most of my time looking for work (not having much luck. Now is a bad time to be an unemployed cop.) and going hiking. I'm really getting into the whole "outdoors" thing. Tessa and I each have assembled personal survival kits that we take with us whenever we head out into the woods. Ostensibly they're for the aftermath of some tragedy, like a major earthquake or a cougar attack or falling off a cliff and getting stranded, but secretly we're praying for a reason to live in the woods for a few days and be forced to survive. Each time we make it back to the car safely, I think we're both a little disappointed. I'm worried we're going to start "forgetting" vital equipment on future trips. Not that it would really matter. It's already happened a few times that we'll be out there, trekking along with our sticks and our packs and our layered clothes and sturdy boots and our map and compass and we'll meet a teenaged girl in short shorts and a tank top jogging the other direction. Or an old lady and her tiny dogs out for a stroll. Our conversation will drop off for a while in an awkward embarrassed silence, but eventually one of us will prop-up our sense of purpose by saying something like, "Boy, is she in for it! I don't think she'll last two days out here when the earthquake comes and the cougars get hungry." And anyway, we're only practicing, so it's okay. We're probably going to do a lot of camping once it warms up a little. It's totally sensible what we're doing. Shut up! Someday you're going to *need* to make fishing line out of plant fibers, and then who's going to look silly, eh?

While getting between The Killing Zone (thanks, SF Chronicle) of Oakland and the pastoral retreat of the East Bay Parks, one cannot help but notice all the extremely scenic overlooks. And once one has noticed said overlooks, and has gotten one's breath back, once quickly notices the litter. Apparently the occasional oakland resident has figured out that cops don't really hang out much on the sides of mountains, and they go up there now to drink and do drugs and have sex and they leave the refuse of all these activities strewn all over the ground, despite the nearby giant trash cans. I don't think they even do it by omission. I think they intentionally throw their crap around because it's cool to rebel. Against nature, i guess. I don't know. But in any event, we've taken to bringing a couple of trash bags with us whenever we go up there, and will often spend a couple of minutes picking up the worst of the trash at whatever turnout we happen to stop at.

What are the chances, do you think, of organizing a few people to go up there and really clean up a few of the overlooks on, say Grizzly Peak or Skyline? Maybe we could rig up some kind of portable catapult to load the trash into and then launch it back down onto East Oakland which is undoubtedly where it came from. I'm totally willing to destroy my own neighborhood to preserve the one nice thing we have in the east bay. After we're done, we can crack open a couple of cases of mexican beer and some pizza and toss the cans and boxes everywhere to celebrate our good deed. We can also roam around up there on a friday night and scare the piss out of the first little turds to drop their trash on our pretty dirt.

Even though I spend most of my time trying not to think about it, I know some of you go to Burning Man. My understanding is that you people know about these things you call "moop sticks", which are the reaching claw sticks that old people use to get things from high shelves. Where do you get those?

I don't know why i'm actually writing any of this here. I sort of doubt anyone will actually read it. I should probably save myself some time and effort and just go organize a facebook event. But really, what's time to me, these days?

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Monday, February 8th, 2010
11:32 am
Hey, gals. Tessa had a photoshoot lined up for some upcoming themed art show thing, but her model mayhem girl just flaked. Surprise, surprise! She needs a female in decent shape who's willing to get naked and wear a lot of paint. Some time this week, i believe. Either contact her about it, or let me know and i'll put you in touch with her.

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Tuesday, November 10th, 2009
6:47 pm
Are you, or do you know a person who knows about things like business plans, grant writing, marketing strategies and suchlike? I need to pick the brain of such a person. Likely over food and/or drinks, which will be supplied by me for the efforts.

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Monday, November 9th, 2009
11:44 am - Models needed
Hey, dudes! Well, not dudes. Pretty girls. My friend Lulu is starting a clothing/costuming/jewelry type business, and needs models for photo work. You can (hopefully) see some of her work on her facebook page. Search Calamity Lulu. Let me or her know if you're interested. I assume there's some sort of compensation, but idk.

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Friday, October 16th, 2009
1:24 pm - Do you folks like camping?
My roommates are going camping this weekend at some hot spring hippy naked mecca and it made me realize that I NEED TO GO MOTHERFUCKING CAMPING. But not like that. Real camping. I don't think i've camped since i moved to California, unless you count nights at strange girls' houses or that time i got locked in the trunk of a car for two days on the side of the freeway and had to fashion a tool out of the dead hooker's teeth to escape.

The weather is pretty great, this week, and things should be dried out from the recent monsoon in another day or two. But where to go? Trees are mandatory. A lake or something for swimming and maybe some kind of canoe rental is a bonus. The ability to collect your own firewood from the woods versus bringing your own is nice, but not mandatory.

Are you now, or have you ever been, a camper? If so, where do you like to go and why? Where should I go? Do you want to come with us? You will almost certainly get to see a pretty naked canadian girl at some point, and i may ask you to help me bury something in the woods. Those two statements are not necessarily related.

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Wednesday, October 7th, 2009
7:22 pm
Hey! I know this is a long shot, but is anyone going to BAGG tonight from the east bay? The canadian wants to go, but i do not. And strangely, i'm not totally comfortable with the idea of a pretty young girl from canada making her way on public transit alone.

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Friday, October 2nd, 2009
4:06 pm
Howdy, y'all. What's going on tonight? And if the answer is "nothing", maybe let's go out to lanesplitters in Berkland.

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Wednesday, September 30th, 2009
7:09 pm
Hey, guys! I am looking for a good sushi place. I have come to accept that the east bay doesn't really have any. Where are your favorites?

Specifically, i want to find a place that serves yam rolls and inari rolls. A lot of places do inari in these weird pocket things, but no one seems to do rolls.

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Saturday, September 26th, 2009
1:06 pm - Road Trip?
Hey, guys, guess what. I have a dilemma. And so i'm going to post about it.

So Tessa is here, and she's been hired to photograph the RevCo/LSD/Jim Rose Circus shows in California. (which is why I went to the show at the Fillmore last wednesday, because I otherwise wouldn't have even known about it, wtf SF promoters?)

Anyway, there's a show tomorrow night in LA, and I guess it's a big deal because Al Jourgensen will be there. But tomorrow is also Folsom Street Fair and Monday there's a really good HHR show at the uptown and i guess also death chicken.

Ordinarily I'd say that any excuse to go to LA is a good one, but what with the unemployment and concerns about money, I wouldn't be able to do many of the things that make LA so fun. I don't know if I even have friends in LA anymore. I mean, in theory, yes, but you know.

So i guess what i'm looking for is people to sway me one way or the other. Does anyone up here want to make a group outing out of it? Or does anyone down there want to make plans to meet up or go out? Or, for that matter, does anyone here want to make plans here?

If we go, we'll probably leave either tonight or tomorrow in the early afternoon. Tick-tock.

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Wednesday, September 23rd, 2009
11:25 pm

Quick! Someone tell me where to find late night sushi in San Francisco!

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

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1:12 pm
So how come no one is talking about RevCo and the motherfucking Jim Rose Circus tonight at the Fillmore? Do you guys not know about it?

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Friday, September 4th, 2009
5:51 pm
Hi, guys! I'm still in canada. I figured i'd come back last week but then... I didn't. It's great here. The people are decent and polite and even the hobos are basically civilized. There are trees. And architecture. And loads and loads of really cheap sushi and beautiful people. And boats. So many boats!

I suppose i've been on kind of a retreat up here. Hiding out and reconsidering my life, sort of thing. One thing that became painfully obvious almost as soon as i set foot on the ground here is that i fucking hate oakland. I've been there long enough that i've come to accept it and sort of just not see it, maybe as a defense mechanism. But once i was out of it for five minutes, i realized that i never want to go back to it. It's dirty, it's broken, it's dangerous, and it is a massive machine producing nothing but poverty and ignorance. It is Darwinism in reverse.

And you know what? I don't really have much holding me there, anymore. I have a sweet place to live, and it will be sad to lose that, but i was already planning on buying a house before i lost my job, so i'm probably ready. It's also starting to become more trouble than i'd like, between keeping peace among roommates and peace with the landlords and peace with all the various groups who feel entitled to the space, i'm just not sure it's worth it.

I think my future geography is going to have more to do with employment than anything else.

Speaking of geography, I'm going to be in Seattle tomorrow. I know some of you live around there. Let's go out!

Okay, bye now.

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Thursday, August 13th, 2009
5:05 pm
There's a midnight showing of 'District 9' tonight at the Alameda Cineplex. It also just so happens that the tiki bar -- mere blocks away -- closes at the same time. Anyone fancy a double feature tonight?

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Wednesday, August 12th, 2009
3:57 pm
Heading into SF with the Canadian. We have no firm plans beyond H&M, though we are considering things like dinner and the beach. Text me if you're free and like things that are fun and pretty. This is prime, grade-A daytime weekday hangouts, people! The kind we're all always saying we want, but never get! Also, shoes! And a pony!

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3:00 pm

Heading to SF with the Canadian. We have no agenda beyond H&M. Join us, if you are free, for adventure and pleasant times!

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

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Friday, August 7th, 2009
11:41 pm
You guys! The circus is coming to town! The Canadian and I are definitely, positively going. If there's enough interest, we can make it a group outing.

See schedule here: http://www.ringling.com/TourSchedule.aspx?action=details&engagementId=98464

The 12th is out, as is the 15th. I feel like thursday the 13th or Sunday the 16th are the best options, but i'll wait to get tickets until tomorrow afternoon in case anyone else wants to go.

We're going to the 5:00 PM show on Sunday the 16th.

We're going to get the VIP tickets ($40) because it's much better seating. I would not be at all surprised if tessa insists on everyone dressing up for the event. Anything with glitter and/or stripes will be smashing.

If you want in, hurry and let me know, as well as which day you prefer. Due to the limited number of VIP seats, I'm buying tickets no later than 5 PM tomorrow.

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Thursday, August 6th, 2009
1:07 pm
If you have not read Garfield minus Garfield, do yourself a favor and go take a look.

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